Where HAVE ALL THE TOYS WITH SWAGGER GONE?
you know technology may be taking away romance, which is a bullshit lazyass excuse, but please explain the loss of good old swagger. learn how to act like a M.A.N. and may i suggest the best answers that you'll receive is from your grandpa. if you no longer have a grandpa this is NO excuse….just read this for a quick top 10 NEVERS:
1. don't hop around and flap you arms and hands when you get excited. i'm serious...you know the nerdy nervous guy...she'll say 'jump' and you'll say 'how high?' or 'i don't get it, why?'
2. don't expose your balls in front of everyone at a gathering…even if there is alcohol involved you'd just ensure that y'aint getting NO pussy. no squirrel wants to be like "remember the loser who pulled his balls out fo his pants last night? ya …blew him"
3. don't be so 'easy going' that when it comes time to hang out all you have to say on the topic od doing something is "i don't care, i'll do whatever". why don't you try and make a fuckin plan gean.
4.don't talk about your fucking X…especially how much of a 'bitch' she is…y'oviously still in love with her
5. if you've actually managed to get to a smooch…don't smooch like your afraid of harming her…fucking take a hold of her…at least for that moment she's yours so don't be a BIG pussy. but this also just means that your a bad kisser and everything else and you'll never throw it down…but not to worry their a squirrels out there who are just as boring so please go get them and get married so we can eliminate this bunch.
6. don'tDON'TDON'T fucking TEXT a squirrel once you've got her digits. you already showed us you balls so why don't you fucking call. also, don't wait lightyears to do this…big fucking deal you called a squirrel…get over it. oh and if she doesn't answer LEAVE A FUCKING MESSAGE
7. don't be a dick and never compliment a girl...but also be sincere (even if you're not)
8. clip your toe nails...it's summertime and all i've seen is green longass nails...don't even get me started on all the shit we have to do.
9. fucking pay for a FUCKING MEAL...GIMME A FUCKIN BREAK. yes it is a double standard...get over it. you guys say 'all guys cheat and it's more acceptable'...we have to live with this reality...so at least pay for my Whisky Sour.
10.don't check out other squirrels when you're with your lady...you think we aren't doing the same? fucking dumbass' we just know how to be stelth you insecure fuck.

Love
1. ok, because i don't have a tv or pay attention to any celled bullfarts i just found out that there's a sex and city 2…and that was enough that not being in that 'know' is great cause i don't have to hear about the worst movie of 20 and a dime. give it a rest…now i have to watch actors who can't get jobs past the show fucking in clothes they still can't afford and over acting over their stapled faces…this is not me being a hater, notice the Love section, but if they were all wearing the same outfit the entire movie, one without fucking sparkles, no ONE would watch IT. it pisses me off most because i was a fan from season one …Seija shout-out VHS stlyes. it was dope but once season 5 hit…yes the clothes bla bla (but season 3 is the best for the clothes/jewels/affairs/everything) it went down…so over acted and american…yes i said it. how many fucking pay cheques…ok enough..it's getting to be hating.
2. example of simple outfits and timeless amazingness is the 18 classic BODY HEAT. you got Katherine Turner and the fuck me now William hurt. and yes, the title is accurate to the movie. it's so fucking hot…the smoking, the fucking, the sweating, the affair, murder, psycho pathic twist. stop renting stupid fucking scarlet johanson movies and grab this NOW.
3. another movie that is next level crazy ass relationship shit is Roman Polanskie's BITTER MOON. don't judge the cover mother fuckers…if we did that we'd all be watching that fucking DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS DHIARREAH. the movies awn fuckin fiyah and Emanuelle is so fucking hot i can't finish my thought.
4. it's hot, i'm horny…and so are all of my girlfriends…where the fuck are the last straight, not small dick, men standing?…..don't answer that…it's boring.
5. this is not a claim…well perhaps it is but i will keep the others in me mindante…but bell bottoms are my new NEED HIT for the summer. because i won't find any that i want…i will have to make em myself. Although J Brand seem to have a style…you hear it hear first.
6. younger boys, haven't let themselves go, stay up longer (both ways), down for anything,dumb, less likely to have an STI (although they seem to be hotter so maybe they're getting more actioniante). and because you're older you get to choose the hottest one cause they can't believe it's gonna go down and they need to put it in their DID list. and ladies DON't be ashamed to be on the Y&D aka Young and Dumb list…own it.
7. love at first bite AKA ANYTHING THAT'S BEEN DROWNED IN FRANK'S HOT SAUCE. they were givin em out at the Beer Store so i was all like "maybe if i eat hotter foods i'll be less horny" so i tried it, loved it, and the last part remains.
8. so a longtime friend of mine from Salzbury was asked to give up some of her Ryerson School of Bashion designs to be put in a photoshoot for Amber Rose for Creamworld(not a made up name)magazine. As you can see the shot of one of the photos from the spread on your right you can understand that my friend is not bragging about this Diva looking like a possessedrobotwonderbland. Alison was a little girl so loose the Halloween hooker tights and because she was not so tall she didn't wear ankle boots to cut her legs off and make em even shorter. she also didn't have a purse..especially one for no reason. i could go on but fuck it. and that door should be smaller than her having to only bend her head down to fit through it…good hair though and accurate sub-title.
9. loVES the commercial comparison of stealing from the internet as being equal to murdering your wife and making your children eat her.
10. that people actually thought that Kanye West was the creator of DAFT PUNK'S- Harder Better Faster Stronger aka my requirement for a future beau.

Hate
1. new people adding me to facebook. fuck off, it's too late…endless you want to fuck, which a simple message with ssaffiss, get out of my dreams and into my jar.
2. nevermind the small dicks, that can't stay up and if they magically do, cum in 30 sex…that is something that is disappointing to encounter and not as possible to control but motherfuckers…trim your trunk. can't deal with dudes who don't have ANY MAINTANANCE. "Every time i go down there, i feel like i'm flossing"-Samantha Jones. "i just don't fucking go down there"-Shalien
3. small dick names: Fred, Peter, Allen, Rupert, David,
4. not keeping a fucking period calendar=getting a Brazillian only to get your fucking bullshit cycle 2 days later…
5. there's gonna be a calk walk and im gonna be walking on your face with my cat.
6. the dummmest shorts: plaid shorts on dudes that look like they could be fit for the beach but they're made of cotton so somehow end up at the bar with sandals. also, 'dudes' wearing shorts that go well above the knee...gay or straight, i'm barfing...mostly at the straight onez
7. friend envy aka you've been fucking the same person for years and don't want to help your single horny friend get a fuck because you don't remember what it's like to be in that situation of fuck-me-nowness. and this is not because you are having so much sex that you've forgotten but rather now sex is not on the 'to do' (pun) list and so you cannot comprehend that it can be so pressing (again pun).
8. dudes with huge arms walking with their pigeon chest out and drummmmmmmmmmrole have huge guts. what the fuck…ya your REAL buff when you can eat off your belly while crunching a dumb bell. how bout put the food down and start crunch-ing. also, apparently their are more dudes than we know or rather that we know who are on the juice. i don't understand why you'd wanna take something to get laid more often that makes you bald and impotent with a smaller dick. trust me those things are much more influential on a squirrel getting with you then your bigarmgut look.
9. the WASPS in New York City ….and i'm NOT talking about the insect.
10.people getting married…cause it reminds me that i am getting older and losing friends (as in from singlehood to marriagehood)…just don't leave the single hood in a strapless dress PLEASE…especially when the skirt is pinned up like a fucking cupcake…i eat cupcakes…i don't wear them not even on lallowein.