2010 in my nutshell of WHHOOOAS and NOOOOOOOZ!
A must see duuuhhhcumentary is that of the late great Yves Saint Laurent. August 1, 1936 to 1 June 2008. THere are 2 segments. the first, depicts his rise to the top of the highest fashion game aka the world of Couture and being hand picked by Christian Dior to be his right hand man only to become director to the Dior house shortly after Dior's death at the age of 21. Let us not forget that is was 1957…to be noticed and accepted in the fashion capital of the world, Paris, and be young blood as well as, a homosexual is actually unreally real. part 2 showcases his last collection before his retirement in 2002. the romance in watching the process of a collection being born at this stage in Yves' life is both beautiful and sad in that it is visible that Yves extremely sensitive character and angst are what made him so brilliant but at the same time develop his handicap, the coping of himself.
1. Young and Dumb
2. Everything in fashion is influenced by something even if it's nothing. Sometimes it just goes too far such as when gardening shoes become shoes that are worn from the grocery store to clubs in smaller cities and are named after the nickname of a reptile OR when slippers from Australia are worn outdoors in the American Winter climates and become soggy street salt collectors OR when tights for the gym, that cost more than a good pair of jeans and are made up of 2 seams that take 10 minutes to sew, are paired with kitten heels and a bar top for the clubs OR the gross invention of jeggings that are only flattering on models and were once made with a flare in the early 00s and were being sold at stitches are now, in unreliable sources, considered 'high fashion'.
3. For everyone else, Lady GAGA
4. Drizzy, Young Money, Drake
5. Going from a teen to having our first smokes, coolers and horrible sex moments to being invited to weddings and being asked to be godparents…shootout to the kids of the early to mid eighties.
6. Disgusting T.V. that could be a list longer than this mac will allow but for recent reflections of our society:
Jersey Shore
The Real Desperate Housewives of Anywhere
My Sweet Sixteen
MTV LIVE
The women who put her 8 kids life on tv from diapers to tooth losing to her transformation of plastic surgery
Sarah Palin in Alaska and everywhere else
Every B to Z celebrity having cameras in their plastic faces at all times to air their dirty classless laundry
The News
Any recent family sitcom
Anything to do with the Kardashian's
7. Brazilian vs. Bush
8. Fast Fashion
9. Bloggers having mayor fashion status and revealing another side of the fashion world that we would never know about sans them.
10. Alexander McQueen, on the morning of February 11th (p.s. also Brandy Norwood's birthday), I just pulled another all nighter before my first solo show in February and at the very moments of Alexander's breakdown I was recalling his SS 2003 collection which was for me, one of the most important of this decade. I could go on forever…but he is still very much alive to me and it is one of the biggest loses of our decade and not just for fashion as he was an important figure of our generation is many other aspects.
11. Michael Jackson, a man who gave his life away for fame and is one of the best musical artists to ever walk the planet. I don't care about his personal life, that was never truly personal to begin with. I listen to his music and how many people can have you dancing with every song they've ever recorded yesterday, today and tomorrow…genius. His personal style from the 80s was so ahead of its time that we are only now mimicking it and failing.
12. Carine Roitfeld, editor-in-chief for Paris Vogue has announced her retirement with the magazine after a decade of directing. There is NO WAY that this is the end of her in the fashion world. Why? because, she is simply too fucking sexy, too fucking parisian, too fucking smart and has too much ACTUAL style. Ears and eyes peeled Carine!
12. TECHNOLOGY AND THE DEATH OF ROMANCE
LOVE, the trick word that has been used and abused in too many circumstances…for the year 2011, I hope you find it…
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Love
1. "2 Can Play That Game" is a phrase we may have used often in life but here it is a title for another great hangover flick or a i need to rent something mindless flick. Set in LA the city of love?, Vivica A. Fox is a fox in late late 90s and early 00s gear. She narrates the movie which is all about how to deal with your man in all popular relationship situations but ultimately to keep him as yours. brush up on your lingo and give it a wirl.
2. STAYING ALIVE is a 70s 'sequel' to Saturday Night Fever and it is UNREAL. if you plan on having weed brownies this fall/winter season, please go and rent this movie before it all kicks in. but you don't need a buzz for this as you will be dying of laughter and the thing that'll leave you in question is John Travolta's sexuality. oh and HOW THE FUCK DID THIS MOVIE HAPPEN??P.S. it's not meant to be funny.
3. Jelly Babies…thank God they don't carry them here cause I'd be fucked. It is hands down on my top 5 for candies. and actually i discovered that they do sell there at Tutti Fruitty in Toronto but a bag costs $6.50 or some crazy shit like that…and that's enough for me to enjoy whenever they appear at every corner store…or start shoplifting again.
4. Yorkie chocolate bars..motherfuckers write on the package "Not For Girls" and they are right cause we'll eat them out of spite and then learn that they're fucking unreal and you know the rest.
5. Having friends who TWEET is great because every once and a while you can be charmed with 50cent tweets…
6. Montmartre, a dope as neighbourhood in Paris,'s market that happens every Saturday and Sunday on Rue . This market it 70% dope and 30% nope which is unheard of really in the market world, excluding food ones. If you go to Paris you must go and save your money for this market!! they have all finds of threads going down from linen/embroidered table cloths, fur, leather, jewelry, furniture, clothes of all finds, antiques, possible celebrity citing, amazing AMAZING coffee, and hotties of all types.
7. V&A aka the Victoria Albert Museum has one of the most insane jewelry collections your eyes will ever be able to comprehend. A quarrel beside me says to her bunk posy "Ya but like who would actually wear that…it's like so big and ridiculous, like" i was like i'll wear it now and be a walking fucking DIAMONDE BITCH!
8. Broadway Market= where scensters come to die aka come decked out in the dopiest daywear hoping to get snapped by StyleHunter. It is much much smaller than Boroughs market but again…empty stomach required and this includes coffee cause the coffee in london blows but not at the markets so SAVE THAT CUP! this market is next to the canal so when you're done staring at people who only stare back and never make a move, take a walk along the canal and imagine yourself living in one of the amazing lofts build alongside.
9. Boroughs Market= amazing AMAZING food market that feels like a movie. not as scent as broadway market but still some mega babe people watching. must must go on an empty stomach because you will be faced with the best of the best like an ONLY olive oil booth with bread for dipping or an ONLY oyster bar conveniently adjacent to the wine booth. you can plan a day in this area and cover great parts of london. start at the market, walk through it to the Tate Modern Gallery, walk over the bridge at the Tate and get a view of London bridge, St. Paul's Cathedral and beautiful architecture. you can walk over to St. Paul's no probe and take a step in and you'll see why people use to go to church just unbelievable beauTIFUL! then if you got up early and started the market in the am you can make your way back that way and pick up some last call items from the market for dinner, get a bottle and sit ANYWHERE. probably one of the cheapest day dates in London and you don't even need a date. k that last part was booshit it b way bettr obi. Oh and it happens every thursday to sunday and my internet is not working so i can't tell you exactly where it is but you can google dat shit.
10. Eurostar= London to Paris in 2.5 hours!
11. seeing Kris van Asche in the Monmartre market…ya.
12. White Russians
13. Versaille…if you go to Paris, you must take an entire day devoted to Versaille aka Marie Antoinette's ridiculous 16th Century palace. You need 8 ours because that is just how massive it is…you may not even cover all the grounds. i don't know how to describe the interiors in words beside the word breathtaking. and remember when this was built…just amazing as in amazing's original definition.
14. Jersey Shore (ya i'm late on this but i don't watch TV and i watched enough for the next 5 years in my London flat)
15. Ruth BartletT
16. 2 4 1 sunday roasts, a London tradition to have a roast dinner on Sundays. many of the pubs hold one and my favourite was at the Winchester on Essex Road. 2 4 1 before 9 and the drinks at this place are UNREAAAAAAAAL. enjoy.
17. arrivaderch to Eruo pounds in currency and Kilos gained!
Hate
1. Squirrels with B.A.D. hygien
2. Hunters, UGGs, Crocks, Lulus(out of gym), letters on bum of sweat(any)pants, chunky highlights(you know the kind), dudes who use straightners(espech if straight).
3. REMMEL the REal London look. So Kate looks real banging' in that commercial but it turns out that the real London look is quite bunchy. Aside from the food and beer making everyone white and pasty, i am more confused with people choosing to put on fake lashes for day instead of G EYE DONNO doing a load of laundry?? Perhaps I can't blame em for getting jarred right after work on beers, on an empty stomach=eating pub food…it's always fucking raining or looking like it's about to rain, that shit gets to you. fine. but please explain why you can see 96% dudes hanging in and out of a pub at 5pm with ZERO squirrels? what the fucking fuck. and you'd think that if you and your go's walk in for a pint that heads'll turn??fuck NO, unless you resemble a Jelly Baby and remind them of their midnight snack.
4. smoking, fucking gross
5. Tidy-ing is NOT cleaning, yup u no dis
6. Getting lost in the most whore/crack hood in Paris while wearing the most outrageous outfits…to be mistaken for a hoe who makes cash instead of crack.
7. Getting lost at Versaille is like getting lost at Versaille
8. gay (or straight) dudes trying (hard) to be fashionable- has zero style- and is in fashion.
9. to the cellphone driver trina hideir cell, hiding=more obvious
10. effing a squirrel or a toy in your gf/bf's bed is one thing but feeling the need to brag about the situation with a grin while claiming to love your partner is another level of classlessness. you wanted so badly to have your cake and eat it too but you just classlessnessed yourself bringing you to a level of shalienism. anyone who's a professional of carelessness would tell you that you don't go farting in anyone's ear about the tale. leave it to the pros.
1. "2 Can Play That Game" is a phrase we may have used often in life but here it is a title for another great hangover flick or a i need to rent something mindless flick. Set in LA the city of love?, Vivica A. Fox is a fox in late late 90s and early 00s gear. She narrates the movie which is all about how to deal with your man in all popular relationship situations but ultimately to keep him as yours. brush up on your lingo and give it a wirl.
2. STAYING ALIVE is a 70s 'sequel' to Saturday Night Fever and it is UNREAL. if you plan on having weed brownies this fall/winter season, please go and rent this movie before it all kicks in. but you don't need a buzz for this as you will be dying of laughter and the thing that'll leave you in question is John Travolta's sexuality. oh and HOW THE FUCK DID THIS MOVIE HAPPEN??P.S. it's not meant to be funny.
3. Jelly Babies…thank God they don't carry them here cause I'd be fucked. It is hands down on my top 5 for candies. and actually i discovered that they do sell there at Tutti Fruitty in Toronto but a bag costs $6.50 or some crazy shit like that…and that's enough for me to enjoy whenever they appear at every corner store…or start shoplifting again.
4. Yorkie chocolate bars..motherfuckers write on the package "Not For Girls" and they are right cause we'll eat them out of spite and then learn that they're fucking unreal and you know the rest.
5. Having friends who TWEET is great because every once and a while you can be charmed with 50cent tweets…
6. Montmartre, a dope as neighbourhood in Paris,'s market that happens every Saturday and Sunday on Rue . This market it 70% dope and 30% nope which is unheard of really in the market world, excluding food ones. If you go to Paris you must go and save your money for this market!! they have all finds of threads going down from linen/embroidered table cloths, fur, leather, jewelry, furniture, clothes of all finds, antiques, possible celebrity citing, amazing AMAZING coffee, and hotties of all types.
7. V&A aka the Victoria Albert Museum has one of the most insane jewelry collections your eyes will ever be able to comprehend. A quarrel beside me says to her bunk posy "Ya but like who would actually wear that…it's like so big and ridiculous, like" i was like i'll wear it now and be a walking fucking DIAMONDE BITCH!
8. Broadway Market= where scensters come to die aka come decked out in the dopiest daywear hoping to get snapped by StyleHunter. It is much much smaller than Boroughs market but again…empty stomach required and this includes coffee cause the coffee in london blows but not at the markets so SAVE THAT CUP! this market is next to the canal so when you're done staring at people who only stare back and never make a move, take a walk along the canal and imagine yourself living in one of the amazing lofts build alongside.
9. Boroughs Market= amazing AMAZING food market that feels like a movie. not as scent as broadway market but still some mega babe people watching. must must go on an empty stomach because you will be faced with the best of the best like an ONLY olive oil booth with bread for dipping or an ONLY oyster bar conveniently adjacent to the wine booth. you can plan a day in this area and cover great parts of london. start at the market, walk through it to the Tate Modern Gallery, walk over the bridge at the Tate and get a view of London bridge, St. Paul's Cathedral and beautiful architecture. you can walk over to St. Paul's no probe and take a step in and you'll see why people use to go to church just unbelievable beauTIFUL! then if you got up early and started the market in the am you can make your way back that way and pick up some last call items from the market for dinner, get a bottle and sit ANYWHERE. probably one of the cheapest day dates in London and you don't even need a date. k that last part was booshit it b way bettr obi. Oh and it happens every thursday to sunday and my internet is not working so i can't tell you exactly where it is but you can google dat shit.
10. Eurostar= London to Paris in 2.5 hours!
11. seeing Kris van Asche in the Monmartre market…ya.
12. White Russians
13. Versaille…if you go to Paris, you must take an entire day devoted to Versaille aka Marie Antoinette's ridiculous 16th Century palace. You need 8 ours because that is just how massive it is…you may not even cover all the grounds. i don't know how to describe the interiors in words beside the word breathtaking. and remember when this was built…just amazing as in amazing's original definition.
14. Jersey Shore (ya i'm late on this but i don't watch TV and i watched enough for the next 5 years in my London flat)
15. Ruth BartletT
16. 2 4 1 sunday roasts, a London tradition to have a roast dinner on Sundays. many of the pubs hold one and my favourite was at the Winchester on Essex Road. 2 4 1 before 9 and the drinks at this place are UNREAAAAAAAAL. enjoy.
17. arrivaderch to Eruo pounds in currency and Kilos gained!
Hate
1. Squirrels with B.A.D. hygien
2. Hunters, UGGs, Crocks, Lulus(out of gym), letters on bum of sweat(any)pants, chunky highlights(you know the kind), dudes who use straightners(espech if straight).
3. REMMEL the REal London look. So Kate looks real banging' in that commercial but it turns out that the real London look is quite bunchy. Aside from the food and beer making everyone white and pasty, i am more confused with people choosing to put on fake lashes for day instead of G EYE DONNO doing a load of laundry?? Perhaps I can't blame em for getting jarred right after work on beers, on an empty stomach=eating pub food…it's always fucking raining or looking like it's about to rain, that shit gets to you. fine. but please explain why you can see 96% dudes hanging in and out of a pub at 5pm with ZERO squirrels? what the fucking fuck. and you'd think that if you and your go's walk in for a pint that heads'll turn??fuck NO, unless you resemble a Jelly Baby and remind them of their midnight snack.
4. smoking, fucking gross
5. Tidy-ing is NOT cleaning, yup u no dis
6. Getting lost in the most whore/crack hood in Paris while wearing the most outrageous outfits…to be mistaken for a hoe who makes cash instead of crack.
7. Getting lost at Versaille is like getting lost at Versaille
8. gay (or straight) dudes trying (hard) to be fashionable- has zero style- and is in fashion.
9. to the cellphone driver trina hideir cell, hiding=more obvious
10. effing a squirrel or a toy in your gf/bf's bed is one thing but feeling the need to brag about the situation with a grin while claiming to love your partner is another level of classlessness. you wanted so badly to have your cake and eat it too but you just classlessnessed yourself bringing you to a level of shalienism. anyone who's a professional of carelessness would tell you that you don't go farting in anyone's ear about the tale. leave it to the pros.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Love
1. Gangster Shorts a.k.a. wide leg denim capris.
2. I.R.A…..interesting….REALLY? Aunts…as in many Zia's
3. CHANGE OF SEASON!!! and kicking it off with a trip to London/Paris/Fashion Weeks
4. Hot Rod, a great movie to watch while blazing. at first it's not so funny but then it goes to next-level-joking which is never bad. it's great for a night of not wanting to think or have you reflect on your life only to leave you (most of you) feeling like ass.
5. The Brothers, a 90s urban click featuring probably some of the most beautiful black men of that decade. it's a movie about a group of friends (toys) who are in their late 20s early 30s and are struggling with trading in their player days for marriage ways. this movie could not be as successful if it were done by white people cause the jokes would suck, the lingo would suck, swag=none, wouldn't display the wack trends of the 90s, the guys wouldn't be struggling so hard to be done with their singlehood (no game), and wouldn't have their fiance hunt you down at your friend's house with a gun and shoot at all of you from the street while wearing her wedding dress…now that's love, baby.
6 suberbia lawn moers (ages 17-19)
7. GAP shoes? i had these puppies on my desktop for so long instead of putting it on an earlier entry, i have no idea where i read about these wedge/platform shoes being part of the GAP's Fall gems. of course the pro/con about this is that they're dope as fuck but every shalien'll have em'
8. it seems that C-breezy aka Chris Brown seems to have some sort of style post his too-young-to--be-R&B-ing-bout-pussy days. and is it just me or is he a lot sexier these days and even more so for busting up R-money's face…despite that i LOVE her Rockstar track, i can't deal with that squirrel and her outkits and hairswitch. C-breezy's not so new mixture is a hit and miss but the hits are hits and there's no reading in-between the R&B lyrics with this young brotha…he lays it rrrrrrrrrright out there…with lyrics such as " we ain't gon stop till 9 a.m., if you can't take it aww baby say when, make you cum over and over again, and imma leave it in.." Or his titled track Invented Head…a take on Trez Songz, if that's your real name,'s Invented Sex…you be the judge.
9. The Real housewives of Orange County…maybe New York City, NEVER New Jersey and Atlanta trash bags with too much $ = too embarrassing to watch. It's a mazing to watch how much bad taste one could have in so many different areas in life. also, the constant fear of aging has 'forced' these squirrels to do many things to themselves that even on a bad episode you can spend the full hour guessing their real age (and sexe). it's kinda like someone who tans too much…you look at yourself for so long that you don't realize that you are the colour of gross. anyhow, these snitches are fully flammable at all times from the make-up to hair spray to acrylic nails and hair to polyester 'chi[t]ck' garbs to the fake tit-ez and of course, the fake love between them and their nasty, old fart, cash cow, husbands.
10. NOT HAVING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!! NEXT
Hate
1. END OF SUMMER!! slash planning the future-ish
2. lol
3. inappropriate drunk talk at weddings from the-older-man--family-friend…how bout i spit the vomit that i puked up from your words in your face…although, you'd like that wouldn't you, you SICK FUCK
4. little girls (including young teens) with shorts that are basically underwear…this has nothing to do with youth jealousy…that would be gross…it has to do with RESPECT and AGE APPROPRIATENESS. the WORST part is that their parents are buying them the loin cloth. ain't no way i'd be caught dead leaving the house like that on my parents terms and nor would i want to be drooled at by hurting dudes more than half my age. be a kid…it's the shortest time ever (and stop reading these entries)
5. you finger how you should eat pussy and you eat pussy the way you should finger…less pressure on one more on the other..if you can't figure which is which then go get a book…i don't feel like explaining today.
6. pre-mature e-jack-you-lation
7. "my fingers are tiered" neVER admit this out loud and be thankful that i just built their muscle memory.
8. jack rabbit poking…but you know this
9. Guys, here's a tip of the month…when you're about to enter the walls of heaven of a squirrel, get MAJOR brownie points by stopping and telling her "we should use a condom" and before she answers..start opening it…At the same time, ladies, why do yawl get unanswered and let me start poking you with his maybe infected dick…fuck getting pregnant, STI's are irreversible dummy and have some fuckin respect for your pussy.
10. insecure dicks aka dudes who ask their gf's if they've been with a bigger dick…my fingers can't even type nearly as fast as my brain raged when i heard of this from a friend. and of course because you don't answer no, cause no duhh if you had to ask dumbdick, he flips out like a child who realizes he can't be breast fed anymore. i'll keep this one short, rid yourself of the child who will NEVER be there for you in any real way and is ACTUALLY 10…not a 10 but 10.NEXT.
The 'Guy Code' by dummy toys
ok so scenario
-friend dated toy for 6 years many many mutual friends
-toys is dating other squirrels and is now into a squirrel. whether he's fully serious or not is his problem point is he's moved on-ish
-squirrel, unlike toy, has fewer options. why? cause 50% are gay, 20% are married, 15% are living with the GF and or contemplating marriage, 5% if still single, are retarded, 5% are bi, don't go down, don't like tits, can't get it up (this is more like 40%), which leaves her with 5% being normal and within that, 3% will be people she and the x will both know aka Guy Code.
- to cut to chases, she's smitten with a person in the 3% and now her X will not speak to her and is calling her selfish.
-Toy clearly can't handle the non power trip and thought that he had it all figured out with his new squirrel and telling his X that she can date WHOEVER SHE WANTS EXCEPT FOR PEOPLE HE KNOWS. and did i mention the bugger pretty much knows EVERYONE.
Listen i can understand if it's a direct friend such as your best boy n stuff but it can't include a 7th generation friend…motherfucker…you're the one who's selfish. and don't flatter yourself into thinking that this was all a scheem to get you back…get over yourself, mama's got needs too. lets face it, you settle for a hurting squirrel and she played the field but didn't make anything an ongoing thing and has now found something worthwhile and YOU can't handle it. well boofuckinwho- slow and steady wins the race dummy (in more ways than one).
1. Gangster Shorts a.k.a. wide leg denim capris.
2. I.R.A…..interesting….REALLY? Aunts…as in many Zia's
3. CHANGE OF SEASON!!! and kicking it off with a trip to London/Paris/Fashion Weeks
4. Hot Rod, a great movie to watch while blazing. at first it's not so funny but then it goes to next-level-joking which is never bad. it's great for a night of not wanting to think or have you reflect on your life only to leave you (most of you) feeling like ass.
5. The Brothers, a 90s urban click featuring probably some of the most beautiful black men of that decade. it's a movie about a group of friends (toys) who are in their late 20s early 30s and are struggling with trading in their player days for marriage ways. this movie could not be as successful if it were done by white people cause the jokes would suck, the lingo would suck, swag=none, wouldn't display the wack trends of the 90s, the guys wouldn't be struggling so hard to be done with their singlehood (no game), and wouldn't have their fiance hunt you down at your friend's house with a gun and shoot at all of you from the street while wearing her wedding dress…now that's love, baby.
6 suberbia lawn moers (ages 17-19)
7. GAP shoes? i had these puppies on my desktop for so long instead of putting it on an earlier entry, i have no idea where i read about these wedge/platform shoes being part of the GAP's Fall gems. of course the pro/con about this is that they're dope as fuck but every shalien'll have em'
8. it seems that C-breezy aka Chris Brown seems to have some sort of style post his too-young-to--be-R&B-ing-bout-pussy days. and is it just me or is he a lot sexier these days and even more so for busting up R-money's face…despite that i LOVE her Rockstar track, i can't deal with that squirrel and her outkits and hairswitch. C-breezy's not so new mixture is a hit and miss but the hits are hits and there's no reading in-between the R&B lyrics with this young brotha…he lays it rrrrrrrrrright out there…with lyrics such as " we ain't gon stop till 9 a.m., if you can't take it aww baby say when, make you cum over and over again, and imma leave it in.." Or his titled track Invented Head…a take on Trez Songz, if that's your real name,'s Invented Sex…you be the judge.
9. The Real housewives of Orange County…maybe New York City, NEVER New Jersey and Atlanta trash bags with too much $ = too embarrassing to watch. It's a mazing to watch how much bad taste one could have in so many different areas in life. also, the constant fear of aging has 'forced' these squirrels to do many things to themselves that even on a bad episode you can spend the full hour guessing their real age (and sexe). it's kinda like someone who tans too much…you look at yourself for so long that you don't realize that you are the colour of gross. anyhow, these snitches are fully flammable at all times from the make-up to hair spray to acrylic nails and hair to polyester 'chi[t]ck' garbs to the fake tit-ez and of course, the fake love between them and their nasty, old fart, cash cow, husbands.
10. NOT HAVING TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!! NEXT
Hate
1. END OF SUMMER!! slash planning the future-ish
2. lol
3. inappropriate drunk talk at weddings from the-older-man--family-friend…how bout i spit the vomit that i puked up from your words in your face…although, you'd like that wouldn't you, you SICK FUCK
4. little girls (including young teens) with shorts that are basically underwear…this has nothing to do with youth jealousy…that would be gross…it has to do with RESPECT and AGE APPROPRIATENESS. the WORST part is that their parents are buying them the loin cloth. ain't no way i'd be caught dead leaving the house like that on my parents terms and nor would i want to be drooled at by hurting dudes more than half my age. be a kid…it's the shortest time ever (and stop reading these entries)
5. you finger how you should eat pussy and you eat pussy the way you should finger…less pressure on one more on the other..if you can't figure which is which then go get a book…i don't feel like explaining today.
6. pre-mature e-jack-you-lation
7. "my fingers are tiered" neVER admit this out loud and be thankful that i just built their muscle memory.
8. jack rabbit poking…but you know this
9. Guys, here's a tip of the month…when you're about to enter the walls of heaven of a squirrel, get MAJOR brownie points by stopping and telling her "we should use a condom" and before she answers..start opening it…At the same time, ladies, why do yawl get unanswered and let me start poking you with his maybe infected dick…fuck getting pregnant, STI's are irreversible dummy and have some fuckin respect for your pussy.
10. insecure dicks aka dudes who ask their gf's if they've been with a bigger dick…my fingers can't even type nearly as fast as my brain raged when i heard of this from a friend. and of course because you don't answer no, cause no duhh if you had to ask dumbdick, he flips out like a child who realizes he can't be breast fed anymore. i'll keep this one short, rid yourself of the child who will NEVER be there for you in any real way and is ACTUALLY 10…not a 10 but 10.NEXT.
The 'Guy Code' by dummy toys
ok so scenario
-friend dated toy for 6 years many many mutual friends
-toys is dating other squirrels and is now into a squirrel. whether he's fully serious or not is his problem point is he's moved on-ish
-squirrel, unlike toy, has fewer options. why? cause 50% are gay, 20% are married, 15% are living with the GF and or contemplating marriage, 5% if still single, are retarded, 5% are bi, don't go down, don't like tits, can't get it up (this is more like 40%), which leaves her with 5% being normal and within that, 3% will be people she and the x will both know aka Guy Code.
- to cut to chases, she's smitten with a person in the 3% and now her X will not speak to her and is calling her selfish.
-Toy clearly can't handle the non power trip and thought that he had it all figured out with his new squirrel and telling his X that she can date WHOEVER SHE WANTS EXCEPT FOR PEOPLE HE KNOWS. and did i mention the bugger pretty much knows EVERYONE.
Listen i can understand if it's a direct friend such as your best boy n stuff but it can't include a 7th generation friend…motherfucker…you're the one who's selfish. and don't flatter yourself into thinking that this was all a scheem to get you back…get over yourself, mama's got needs too. lets face it, you settle for a hurting squirrel and she played the field but didn't make anything an ongoing thing and has now found something worthwhile and YOU can't handle it. well boofuckinwho- slow and steady wins the race dummy (in more ways than one).
Saturday, August 14, 2010
TIP OF THE WEEK: IF YOU'RE AN ENGLISH BREAKFAST, ORANGE PEKOE, EARL GREY SO ON TEA DRINKER…SUGGESTION: PUT THE MILK IN WITH THE BAG FIRST AND THEN POOR THE BOILED WATER OVER…LEAVE BAG IN ENTIRE TIME AND ENJOY!
LOVE
1. coming from Sudbury
2. ok so it appears that some people have not heard of Jackie Brown aka the 1997 Tarantino shebang where a hot black babe in her 40s runs tings. we gotta Tarantino and chris tucker cameo, samuel L jackson (duh), Robert DeNiro (sickfuckduh), Michael Keaton (whocares), Bridget Fonda (Ordelle's little-white-surfer-girl) and Jackie Pam Grier Brown from the LWord. For new lingo searching and a reminisce of late 90s urban style such as Kongol hats and long red fake nails and silhouettes which i will not waste our time describing. you can't miss out on a movie where the line " My ass may be dumb but I ain't no dumb ass" happens. go on n' cop it or at least watch the trailer if you're skeptical by clicking on the cast!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5pfU3Sd3Aw
3. bands that come in town for one night.inandout.
4. so now because 50 cent got a 'serious' movie role and proved that he is the next Danzel by starving himself to look like a how he would've had he not made it out of Jamaica, Queens and surrendered to his true inner crack junkie, he is now to be referred to as Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson. Or at least at this party…palease we've already falsely given Miley Cyrus a singing(any) career and someone told Lauren and Whitney that they're designers. i, myself, already gave them credit by putting capitals on their names while typing. http://www.style.com/peopleparties/parties/thumb/newyork-072910_Twelve_Screening/
5. in fact the only good thing that went down at that party since that Baily blabla squirrel from that rich kids in NYC show GGarbage…or whatever…showed us that her stylist is whack for putting her in a dress that is a horrible contrast of fabric, makes her torso look longer and the fact that she's tall proves not only that this dress is WRONG but that even though the label reads Chanel it don't mean it cute…and that she has a wackiest aka bad stylist. but back to the only good thing at that party, if you've even bothered to put that ULR in the search engine and witness the Curtis call, you can see that 14 0f 16 did not go home alone unlike Blake or whatever her name is…so i google this chick only to discover that she is a fuckin bably babe who gets to blow Christiano Ronaldo(although he may be gay)…either way it brings me to #6.
6. i'm down with the white lingerie these days…i don't know why but those bitches are down for anything i'm telling you. getsome.
7. i just spend 20mins looking at pics of CR…this oneza slam dunka
8. the 18 (17) year old who moe's the lawn once a week across the street…ya, it's sudbury….gimme a break
9. 'i wish i had my sketchbook- i'd go all titanic on you'- yup u know dis -words of a great magician
10. Jessica Simpson!
HATE
1. that when i type sound-it-out-spelling that my mac tries to form it into properly spelled words…boring
2. dudes who fuckin dye their hair…like to cover greys. especially when you saw them when the grey was growing in and then time passes and you see them again and they immediately are less of a man now that you can picture them fuckin driving to the Shopper's Drug mart 2 mins before she closes to get the shit and then go home and put it on their head…followed by a hint of Rogaine.
3. vintage squirrels at the gym. i don't give a shit about the hoes at the gym who wear bar tops and eyeliner in the inner bottom lid (mysterious jogger), they actually enl-highten my day with laughter but more annoyinglyanterisko are the vintage (old) squirrels ('women') who come to the gym with their office hair fucking blow dried, 10 gallons of Channel Number Never, and wear their fucking jew well ri…i mean watch bracelets, big earrings, rings. god forbid thaw should break into a sweat at the Jim. the only person who can pull that off is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp6W4aK1sbs.
4. shaliens who want to come at you on fakebook with a subject titled "wtf"…i don't know fuckin know what WTF means/is i do not speak this 'language' and for future lamalism i would suggest a more punctual subject line like (none).
5. this is a blog, it has no meaning, it doesn't matter so if ya don like, don weed.
6. ADULT ACNEEEEEEEEEEE fuck man, you were suppose to gimmi dat ishhh when i was 13 and my skin could recover faster not when i'm tryna get laid…
7. dudes who've been in longs relationships and spend their nite out (sans gf) eyeing every squirrel that walks by and talking about them like they can cop them if they wanted but have the gf excuse to NOT proove it. boring. oh ya and cause they're 'in love'
8. the sports types…you know this type, they do the swimming, biking, hiking, running, yoga-ing, kayaking, soccer, snow shoeing, snorkeling, and thus, basically wear all the same gear. the problem is that they are always in sharacter…as in even when they are not doing one of the following sports mentioned, they look like -in two shakes of a lambs tail- they'd be up and ready to take part in anyone of these sports. but they think they're fooling us by replacing things such as running shoes for mountain bike shoes, spandex running shirt for a vortex jacket and so on you get the pitcha.
9. being an 86ed or lower as in older in this town blows cause all the good one's are 89 to 92..jus saying'. please no that this is age by year therr born.
10. the term 'best friend'…i ain't got non, i got friends. frankly the only thing that the word 'best' does is put that person on a pedestal of being some sort of perfect being convenient for you and yo foo dat don exist and you'll be getting a pie in your face right quick.
LOVE
1. coming from Sudbury
2. ok so it appears that some people have not heard of Jackie Brown aka the 1997 Tarantino shebang where a hot black babe in her 40s runs tings. we gotta Tarantino and chris tucker cameo, samuel L jackson (duh), Robert DeNiro (sickfuckduh), Michael Keaton (whocares), Bridget Fonda (Ordelle's little-white-surfer-girl) and Jackie Pam Grier Brown from the LWord. For new lingo searching and a reminisce of late 90s urban style such as Kongol hats and long red fake nails and silhouettes which i will not waste our time describing. you can't miss out on a movie where the line " My ass may be dumb but I ain't no dumb ass" happens. go on n' cop it or at least watch the trailer if you're skeptical by clicking on the cast!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5pfU3Sd3Aw
3. bands that come in town for one night.inandout.
4. so now because 50 cent got a 'serious' movie role and proved that he is the next Danzel by starving himself to look like a how he would've had he not made it out of Jamaica, Queens and surrendered to his true inner crack junkie, he is now to be referred to as Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson. Or at least at this party…palease we've already falsely given Miley Cyrus a singing(any) career and someone told Lauren and Whitney that they're designers. i, myself, already gave them credit by putting capitals on their names while typing. http://www.style.com/peopleparties/parties/thumb/newyork-072910_Twelve_Screening/
5. in fact the only good thing that went down at that party since that Baily blabla squirrel from that rich kids in NYC show GGarbage…or whatever…showed us that her stylist is whack for putting her in a dress that is a horrible contrast of fabric, makes her torso look longer and the fact that she's tall proves not only that this dress is WRONG but that even though the label reads Chanel it don't mean it cute…and that she has a wackiest aka bad stylist. but back to the only good thing at that party, if you've even bothered to put that ULR in the search engine and witness the Curtis call, you can see that 14 0f 16 did not go home alone unlike Blake or whatever her name is…so i google this chick only to discover that she is a fuckin bably babe who gets to blow Christiano Ronaldo(although he may be gay)…either way it brings me to #6.
6. i'm down with the white lingerie these days…i don't know why but those bitches are down for anything i'm telling you. getsome.
7. i just spend 20mins looking at pics of CR…this oneza slam dunka
8. the 18 (17) year old who moe's the lawn once a week across the street…ya, it's sudbury….gimme a break
9. 'i wish i had my sketchbook- i'd go all titanic on you'- yup u know dis -words of a great magician
10. Jessica Simpson!
HATE
1. that when i type sound-it-out-spelling that my mac tries to form it into properly spelled words…boring
2. dudes who fuckin dye their hair…like to cover greys. especially when you saw them when the grey was growing in and then time passes and you see them again and they immediately are less of a man now that you can picture them fuckin driving to the Shopper's Drug mart 2 mins before she closes to get the shit and then go home and put it on their head…followed by a hint of Rogaine.
3. vintage squirrels at the gym. i don't give a shit about the hoes at the gym who wear bar tops and eyeliner in the inner bottom lid (mysterious jogger), they actually enl-highten my day with laughter but more annoyinglyanterisko are the vintage (old) squirrels ('women') who come to the gym with their office hair fucking blow dried, 10 gallons of Channel Number Never, and wear their fucking jew well ri…i mean watch bracelets, big earrings, rings. god forbid thaw should break into a sweat at the Jim. the only person who can pull that off is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp6W4aK1sbs.
4. shaliens who want to come at you on fakebook with a subject titled "wtf"…i don't know fuckin know what WTF means/is i do not speak this 'language' and for future lamalism i would suggest a more punctual subject line like (none).
5. this is a blog, it has no meaning, it doesn't matter so if ya don like, don weed.
6. ADULT ACNEEEEEEEEEEE fuck man, you were suppose to gimmi dat ishhh when i was 13 and my skin could recover faster not when i'm tryna get laid…
7. dudes who've been in longs relationships and spend their nite out (sans gf) eyeing every squirrel that walks by and talking about them like they can cop them if they wanted but have the gf excuse to NOT proove it. boring. oh ya and cause they're 'in love'
8. the sports types…you know this type, they do the swimming, biking, hiking, running, yoga-ing, kayaking, soccer, snow shoeing, snorkeling, and thus, basically wear all the same gear. the problem is that they are always in sharacter…as in even when they are not doing one of the following sports mentioned, they look like -in two shakes of a lambs tail- they'd be up and ready to take part in anyone of these sports. but they think they're fooling us by replacing things such as running shoes for mountain bike shoes, spandex running shirt for a vortex jacket and so on you get the pitcha.
9. being an 86ed or lower as in older in this town blows cause all the good one's are 89 to 92..jus saying'. please no that this is age by year therr born.
10. the term 'best friend'…i ain't got non, i got friends. frankly the only thing that the word 'best' does is put that person on a pedestal of being some sort of perfect being convenient for you and yo foo dat don exist and you'll be getting a pie in your face right quick.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Where HAVE ALL THE TOYS WITH SWAGGER GONE?
you know technology may be taking away romance, which is a bullshit lazyass excuse, but please explain the loss of good old swagger. learn how to act like a M.A.N. and may i suggest the best answers that you'll receive is from your grandpa. if you no longer have a grandpa this is NO excuse….just read this for a quick top 10 NEVERS:
1. don't hop around and flap you arms and hands when you get excited. i'm serious...you know the nerdy nervous guy...she'll say 'jump' and you'll say 'how high?' or 'i don't get it, why?'
2. don't expose your balls in front of everyone at a gathering…even if there is alcohol involved you'd just ensure that y'aint getting NO pussy. no squirrel wants to be like "remember the loser who pulled his balls out fo his pants last night? ya …blew him"
3. don't be so 'easy going' that when it comes time to hang out all you have to say on the topic od doing something is "i don't care, i'll do whatever". why don't you try and make a fuckin plan gean.
4.don't talk about your fucking X…especially how much of a 'bitch' she is…y'oviously still in love with her
5. if you've actually managed to get to a smooch…don't smooch like your afraid of harming her…fucking take a hold of her…at least for that moment she's yours so don't be a BIG pussy. but this also just means that your a bad kisser and everything else and you'll never throw it down…but not to worry their a squirrels out there who are just as boring so please go get them and get married so we can eliminate this bunch.
6. don'tDON'TDON'T fucking TEXT a squirrel once you've got her digits. you already showed us you balls so why don't you fucking call. also, don't wait lightyears to do this…big fucking deal you called a squirrel…get over it. oh and if she doesn't answer LEAVE A FUCKING MESSAGE
7. don't be a dick and never compliment a girl...but also be sincere (even if you're not)
8. clip your toe nails...it's summertime and all i've seen is green longass nails...don't even get me started on all the shit we have to do.
9. fucking pay for a FUCKING MEAL...GIMME A FUCKIN BREAK. yes it is a double standard...get over it. you guys say 'all guys cheat and it's more acceptable'...we have to live with this reality...so at least pay for my Whisky Sour.
10.don't check out other squirrels when you're with your lady...you think we aren't doing the same? fucking dumbass' we just know how to be stelth you insecure fuck.
Love
1. ok, because i don't have a tv or pay attention to any celled bullfarts i just found out that there's a sex and city 2…and that was enough that not being in that 'know' is great cause i don't have to hear about the worst movie of 20 and a dime. give it a rest…now i have to watch actors who can't get jobs past the show fucking in clothes they still can't afford and over acting over their stapled faces…this is not me being a hater, notice the Love section, but if they were all wearing the same outfit the entire movie, one without fucking sparkles, no ONE would watch IT. it pisses me off most because i was a fan from season one …Seija shout-out VHS stlyes. it was dope but once season 5 hit…yes the clothes bla bla (but season 3 is the best for the clothes/jewels/affairs/everything) it went down…so over acted and american…yes i said it. how many fucking pay cheques…ok enough..it's getting to be hating.
2. example of simple outfits and timeless amazingness is the 18 classic BODY HEAT. you got Katherine Turner and the fuck me now William hurt. and yes, the title is accurate to the movie. it's so fucking hot…the smoking, the fucking, the sweating, the affair, murder, psycho pathic twist. stop renting stupid fucking scarlet johanson movies and grab this NOW.
3. another movie that is next level crazy ass relationship shit is Roman Polanskie's BITTER MOON. don't judge the cover mother fuckers…if we did that we'd all be watching that fucking DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS DHIARREAH. the movies awn fuckin fiyah and Emanuelle is so fucking hot i can't finish my thought.
4. it's hot, i'm horny…and so are all of my girlfriends…where the fuck are the last straight, not small dick, men standing?…..don't answer that…it's boring.
5. this is not a claim…well perhaps it is but i will keep the others in me mindante…but bell bottoms are my new NEED HIT for the summer. because i won't find any that i want…i will have to make em myself. Although J Brand seem to have a style…you hear it hear first.
6. younger boys, haven't let themselves go, stay up longer (both ways), down for anything,dumb, less likely to have an STI (although they seem to be hotter so maybe they're getting more actioniante). and because you're older you get to choose the hottest one cause they can't believe it's gonna go down and they need to put it in their DID list. and ladies DON't be ashamed to be on the Y&D aka Young and Dumb list…own it.
7. love at first bite AKA ANYTHING THAT'S BEEN DROWNED IN FRANK'S HOT SAUCE. they were givin em out at the Beer Store so i was all like "maybe if i eat hotter foods i'll be less horny" so i tried it, loved it, and the last part remains.
8. so a longtime friend of mine from Salzbury was asked to give up some of her Ryerson School of Bashion designs to be put in a photoshoot for Amber Rose for Creamworld(not a made up name)magazine. As you can see the shot of one of the photos from the spread on your right you can understand that my friend is not bragging about this Diva looking like a possessedrobotwonderbland. Alison was a little girl so loose the Halloween hooker tights and because she was not so tall she didn't wear ankle boots to cut her legs off and make em even shorter. she also didn't have a purse..especially one for no reason. i could go on but fuck it. and that door should be smaller than her having to only bend her head down to fit through it…good hair though and accurate sub-title.
9. loVES the commercial comparison of stealing from the internet as being equal to murdering your wife and making your children eat her.
10. that people actually thought that Kanye West was the creator of DAFT PUNK'S- Harder Better Faster Stronger aka my requirement for a future beau.
Hate
1. new people adding me to facebook. fuck off, it's too late…endless you want to fuck, which a simple message with ssaffiss, get out of my dreams and into my jar.
2. nevermind the small dicks, that can't stay up and if they magically do, cum in 30 sex…that is something that is disappointing to encounter and not as possible to control but motherfuckers…trim your trunk. can't deal with dudes who don't have ANY MAINTANANCE. "Every time i go down there, i feel like i'm flossing"-Samantha Jones. "i just don't fucking go down there"-Shalien
3. small dick names: Fred, Peter, Allen, Rupert, David,
4. not keeping a fucking period calendar=getting a Brazillian only to get your fucking bullshit cycle 2 days later…
5. there's gonna be a calk walk and im gonna be walking on your face with my cat.
6. the dummmest shorts: plaid shorts on dudes that look like they could be fit for the beach but they're made of cotton so somehow end up at the bar with sandals. also, 'dudes' wearing shorts that go well above the knee...gay or straight, i'm barfing...mostly at the straight onez
7. friend envy aka you've been fucking the same person for years and don't want to help your single horny friend get a fuck because you don't remember what it's like to be in that situation of fuck-me-nowness. and this is not because you are having so much sex that you've forgotten but rather now sex is not on the 'to do' (pun) list and so you cannot comprehend that it can be so pressing (again pun).
8. dudes with huge arms walking with their pigeon chest out and drummmmmmmmmmrole have huge guts. what the fuck…ya your REAL buff when you can eat off your belly while crunching a dumb bell. how bout put the food down and start crunch-ing. also, apparently their are more dudes than we know or rather that we know who are on the juice. i don't understand why you'd wanna take something to get laid more often that makes you bald and impotent with a smaller dick. trust me those things are much more influential on a squirrel getting with you then your bigarmgut look.
9. the WASPS in New York City ….and i'm NOT talking about the insect.
10.people getting married…cause it reminds me that i am getting older and losing friends (as in from singlehood to marriagehood)…just don't leave the single hood in a strapless dress PLEASE…especially when the skirt is pinned up like a fucking cupcake…i eat cupcakes…i don't wear them not even on lallowein.
you know technology may be taking away romance, which is a bullshit lazyass excuse, but please explain the loss of good old swagger. learn how to act like a M.A.N. and may i suggest the best answers that you'll receive is from your grandpa. if you no longer have a grandpa this is NO excuse….just read this for a quick top 10 NEVERS:
1. don't hop around and flap you arms and hands when you get excited. i'm serious...you know the nerdy nervous guy...she'll say 'jump' and you'll say 'how high?' or 'i don't get it, why?'
2. don't expose your balls in front of everyone at a gathering…even if there is alcohol involved you'd just ensure that y'aint getting NO pussy. no squirrel wants to be like "remember the loser who pulled his balls out fo his pants last night? ya …blew him"
3. don't be so 'easy going' that when it comes time to hang out all you have to say on the topic od doing something is "i don't care, i'll do whatever". why don't you try and make a fuckin plan gean.
4.don't talk about your fucking X…especially how much of a 'bitch' she is…y'oviously still in love with her
5. if you've actually managed to get to a smooch…don't smooch like your afraid of harming her…fucking take a hold of her…at least for that moment she's yours so don't be a BIG pussy. but this also just means that your a bad kisser and everything else and you'll never throw it down…but not to worry their a squirrels out there who are just as boring so please go get them and get married so we can eliminate this bunch.
6. don'tDON'TDON'T fucking TEXT a squirrel once you've got her digits. you already showed us you balls so why don't you fucking call. also, don't wait lightyears to do this…big fucking deal you called a squirrel…get over it. oh and if she doesn't answer LEAVE A FUCKING MESSAGE
7. don't be a dick and never compliment a girl...but also be sincere (even if you're not)
8. clip your toe nails...it's summertime and all i've seen is green longass nails...don't even get me started on all the shit we have to do.
9. fucking pay for a FUCKING MEAL...GIMME A FUCKIN BREAK. yes it is a double standard...get over it. you guys say 'all guys cheat and it's more acceptable'...we have to live with this reality...so at least pay for my Whisky Sour.
10.don't check out other squirrels when you're with your lady...you think we aren't doing the same? fucking dumbass' we just know how to be stelth you insecure fuck.
Love
1. ok, because i don't have a tv or pay attention to any celled bullfarts i just found out that there's a sex and city 2…and that was enough that not being in that 'know' is great cause i don't have to hear about the worst movie of 20 and a dime. give it a rest…now i have to watch actors who can't get jobs past the show fucking in clothes they still can't afford and over acting over their stapled faces…this is not me being a hater, notice the Love section, but if they were all wearing the same outfit the entire movie, one without fucking sparkles, no ONE would watch IT. it pisses me off most because i was a fan from season one …Seija shout-out VHS stlyes. it was dope but once season 5 hit…yes the clothes bla bla (but season 3 is the best for the clothes/jewels/affairs/everything) it went down…so over acted and american…yes i said it. how many fucking pay cheques…ok enough..it's getting to be hating.
2. example of simple outfits and timeless amazingness is the 18 classic BODY HEAT. you got Katherine Turner and the fuck me now William hurt. and yes, the title is accurate to the movie. it's so fucking hot…the smoking, the fucking, the sweating, the affair, murder, psycho pathic twist. stop renting stupid fucking scarlet johanson movies and grab this NOW.
3. another movie that is next level crazy ass relationship shit is Roman Polanskie's BITTER MOON. don't judge the cover mother fuckers…if we did that we'd all be watching that fucking DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS DHIARREAH. the movies awn fuckin fiyah and Emanuelle is so fucking hot i can't finish my thought.
4. it's hot, i'm horny…and so are all of my girlfriends…where the fuck are the last straight, not small dick, men standing?…..don't answer that…it's boring.
5. this is not a claim…well perhaps it is but i will keep the others in me mindante…but bell bottoms are my new NEED HIT for the summer. because i won't find any that i want…i will have to make em myself. Although J Brand seem to have a style…you hear it hear first.
6. younger boys, haven't let themselves go, stay up longer (both ways), down for anything,dumb, less likely to have an STI (although they seem to be hotter so maybe they're getting more actioniante). and because you're older you get to choose the hottest one cause they can't believe it's gonna go down and they need to put it in their DID list. and ladies DON't be ashamed to be on the Y&D aka Young and Dumb list…own it.
7. love at first bite AKA ANYTHING THAT'S BEEN DROWNED IN FRANK'S HOT SAUCE. they were givin em out at the Beer Store so i was all like "maybe if i eat hotter foods i'll be less horny" so i tried it, loved it, and the last part remains.
8. so a longtime friend of mine from Salzbury was asked to give up some of her Ryerson School of Bashion designs to be put in a photoshoot for Amber Rose for Creamworld(not a made up name)magazine. As you can see the shot of one of the photos from the spread on your right you can understand that my friend is not bragging about this Diva looking like a possessedrobotwonderbland. Alison was a little girl so loose the Halloween hooker tights and because she was not so tall she didn't wear ankle boots to cut her legs off and make em even shorter. she also didn't have a purse..especially one for no reason. i could go on but fuck it. and that door should be smaller than her having to only bend her head down to fit through it…good hair though and accurate sub-title.
9. loVES the commercial comparison of stealing from the internet as being equal to murdering your wife and making your children eat her.
10. that people actually thought that Kanye West was the creator of DAFT PUNK'S- Harder Better Faster Stronger aka my requirement for a future beau.
Hate
1. new people adding me to facebook. fuck off, it's too late…endless you want to fuck, which a simple message with ssaffiss, get out of my dreams and into my jar.
2. nevermind the small dicks, that can't stay up and if they magically do, cum in 30 sex…that is something that is disappointing to encounter and not as possible to control but motherfuckers…trim your trunk. can't deal with dudes who don't have ANY MAINTANANCE. "Every time i go down there, i feel like i'm flossing"-Samantha Jones. "i just don't fucking go down there"-Shalien
3. small dick names: Fred, Peter, Allen, Rupert, David,
4. not keeping a fucking period calendar=getting a Brazillian only to get your fucking bullshit cycle 2 days later…
5. there's gonna be a calk walk and im gonna be walking on your face with my cat.
6. the dummmest shorts: plaid shorts on dudes that look like they could be fit for the beach but they're made of cotton so somehow end up at the bar with sandals. also, 'dudes' wearing shorts that go well above the knee...gay or straight, i'm barfing...mostly at the straight onez
7. friend envy aka you've been fucking the same person for years and don't want to help your single horny friend get a fuck because you don't remember what it's like to be in that situation of fuck-me-nowness. and this is not because you are having so much sex that you've forgotten but rather now sex is not on the 'to do' (pun) list and so you cannot comprehend that it can be so pressing (again pun).
8. dudes with huge arms walking with their pigeon chest out and drummmmmmmmmmrole have huge guts. what the fuck…ya your REAL buff when you can eat off your belly while crunching a dumb bell. how bout put the food down and start crunch-ing. also, apparently their are more dudes than we know or rather that we know who are on the juice. i don't understand why you'd wanna take something to get laid more often that makes you bald and impotent with a smaller dick. trust me those things are much more influential on a squirrel getting with you then your bigarmgut look.
9. the WASPS in New York City ….and i'm NOT talking about the insect.
10.people getting married…cause it reminds me that i am getting older and losing friends (as in from singlehood to marriagehood)…just don't leave the single hood in a strapless dress PLEASE…especially when the skirt is pinned up like a fucking cupcake…i eat cupcakes…i don't wear them not even on lallowein.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Love
1. honeymoon in vegas. 1992. amaxing stars (that means 5 starts). you got SJP in her 20s super hot, mad bod, sick 90s gear(l.a. gears). nicolas cage before he got lame. andrew bergman playing the sleez role he plays best. so cage promised is dying mother that he would NEVER get married. SJP (like most women portrayed in movies) wants to get married. can't deal so they flea to vegas to put rings on tings. i ain't tellin the rest go cop dat ish at Queen video.
2.Crooklyn..better known as Brooklyn. another smash-hit-classic by Mr. Spike Lee. family's day to day in Brooklyn, more focused on the kids and more closely around Troy and dope girl (notice no squirrel).1994. Queen video. dope cast, dope soundtrack, dope stoops!
3. The September issue, a.k.a. Grace Coddington. it is important to see but to tell you the truth anorexic 60 year olds are hard to look at more than once.
4.my new 27'' Mac…it's, as Meghan Roche (who works for Christopher Kane in Londan Hingland as the needle point master embrodererer) would say "So dumb"
5.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-KqMHxpirI&NR=1, check the styling in dat vid. ay ay she's got silver hoops on but no one is looking at them when we got a SERIOUS babe face on our hands. those fuckin lips. this video was styled by the great stylist Lily Cornell or Liverpool Lithouanian, Londan Hingland (duhh where all the greats came from). You have to google Silke to find anything on her, though her jealous lover, Alan Auctor, has been rumoured to be the cause of her sudden death, embarrassingly enough, at a waxing session. i know it's fucked but man, chtrange tangs kin happin.
6. This is why my fashion show went to scramsville. Eli showed up to perform. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHpw6CzprNY&feature=related
Hate
7. Mystikal, this fucker is UNREAL. Please know that this is suppose to be a positive tune…i feel like he's gonna fucking kill everyone in the booth.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE8NN8Xc3JA&feature=related. but this one is for the real cats,
8. Forgot how fucking gay this dude was.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ8VjyPw0qY. This is why dudes think that, that beginning pick up in the Queen street ally with a bunch of dudes, actually works. ay, sure Joe i'll go meet you for a drink to talk about my ex….fucking loser…doesn't even have an iPhone, he needs a pen. Hey Joe, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF THAT'S NOT YOUR 'REAL' NUMBER, I'm not fucking calling. p.s. my names NOT BABY. p.s.s. take off those fuckin' Oakley's.
9. She's high and you can't sing along with her but fuck.unreal. and that bracelet. wish the skirt was longer.
HATE
1. all-in-ones FROM SHAPOO & CONDITIONER (didn't mean to caps but i;m not re-typing) to boots with fucking socks sewn at the top (i'll make that fucking choice thank you very match) to blouses/shirts with vests sewn on top (again I maika di choisa). invest in the separates you dumbasses...this is not an invention it is pure laziness and an insult on the person who packages the conditioner bottle. what's next? our fucking thongs sewing in our skirts that shouldn't be worn with underwear (sorry Silke) or black socks sewn into those disgusting Aldo dude shalien. indian like. pointy toed. curled back. can't walk normal dude shoes (p.s. if you are dating this guy. forget about love cause it's bullshit...he obviously doesn't love himself so how can he love you?)
2. hot gay men who are so hot that I become a gaylian.
3. one bad night of weather=friends and family coming to your fashion show…NOT Bonnie Brooks….whatNever.
4. The Room at The Bay on Queen street. If you haven't been there yet well then I'm not surprised because that means you live in Toronto and so you are boring. Don't be offended by this, just change. Forget holt's…the windows suck anyway. they should be spending the money on NEW, YOUNG, designers and cough cough CANADIAN. but NOOOooo we don't promote ourselves here in Chanaduhh remember (which leads to things such as hate #5). Also, at the Room you do not have to go through a sea of facelifts and anorexic saggy 50 year olds who are competing with their daughters and letting the fags who work at the counter tell them "hoe great" something is on them. also, you don't have to fart on a minishalien who opens the door for you and greets you based on your attire. i could go on but i won't. like the dicks who work there and look at you like your shit…HEY FUCKERS YOU WORK AT HOLT RENFREW YOU AIN'T THE FUCKIN' CUSTOMER (p.s. that don include yur 50% off). ok, done
5. a huge fucking Diesel store in Yorkville. If you are unable to find this 2 story, story, just folio your nose to Axe Body Fart and Dippidy Doo smells. Ahhh yes, see, you've found it! but to be safe read signs because you may simply be in the Ryerson cafeteriantexillio.
6.Sade's new shit. She's a baaaaabe dispite the obscene amounts of blow that have run up her nose. but that new song is bunkier than bunk. and then i made myself go through the video and was more barfedout when i had to see the jessica simpson circa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7uxf8kBBlg dance (which by the way is the same fucking shit as Mariah Carey's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqBtS6BIP1E&feature=channel...p.s. those brothaz in the field were filmed doing ti-chi and she just fast forwardeded dd it for her vid). and that Tina Turner moment that should've been danced out by Aimee Tabolka. but the dances aren't even unified. they are not on time together for one moment. (this #6 is so long p.s. because of love #4, i am able to do many tings at once and am actually looking at all 3 of these vids at once). sorry that was is confusing
7.strep throat (2wice in 1 yr)
8.squirrels exposing their bare fucking legs in winter. enough already...it's fucking dumb. "butchya look kool!"- Brunswick House
9. squirrels giving ideal measurements when asked to model. i can fucking see you and you are NOT 5'9 cause i am and i can see the top of your fuckin head.
10. Drew Barrymore's face...what the fuck did she do to it? oh, i'll tell you EVERYTANK.
1. honeymoon in vegas. 1992. amaxing stars (that means 5 starts). you got SJP in her 20s super hot, mad bod, sick 90s gear(l.a. gears). nicolas cage before he got lame. andrew bergman playing the sleez role he plays best. so cage promised is dying mother that he would NEVER get married. SJP (like most women portrayed in movies) wants to get married. can't deal so they flea to vegas to put rings on tings. i ain't tellin the rest go cop dat ish at Queen video.
2.Crooklyn..better known as Brooklyn. another smash-hit-classic by Mr. Spike Lee. family's day to day in Brooklyn, more focused on the kids and more closely around Troy and dope girl (notice no squirrel).1994. Queen video. dope cast, dope soundtrack, dope stoops!
3. The September issue, a.k.a. Grace Coddington. it is important to see but to tell you the truth anorexic 60 year olds are hard to look at more than once.
4.my new 27'' Mac…it's, as Meghan Roche (who works for Christopher Kane in Londan Hingland as the needle point master embrodererer) would say "So dumb"
5.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-KqMHxpirI&NR=1, check the styling in dat vid. ay ay she's got silver hoops on but no one is looking at them when we got a SERIOUS babe face on our hands. those fuckin lips. this video was styled by the great stylist Lily Cornell or Liverpool Lithouanian, Londan Hingland (duhh where all the greats came from). You have to google Silke to find anything on her, though her jealous lover, Alan Auctor, has been rumoured to be the cause of her sudden death, embarrassingly enough, at a waxing session. i know it's fucked but man, chtrange tangs kin happin.
6. This is why my fashion show went to scramsville. Eli showed up to perform. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHpw6CzprNY&feature=related
Hate
7. Mystikal, this fucker is UNREAL. Please know that this is suppose to be a positive tune…i feel like he's gonna fucking kill everyone in the booth.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CE8NN8Xc3JA&feature=related. but this one is for the real cats,
8. Forgot how fucking gay this dude was.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJ8VjyPw0qY. This is why dudes think that, that beginning pick up in the Queen street ally with a bunch of dudes, actually works. ay, sure Joe i'll go meet you for a drink to talk about my ex….fucking loser…doesn't even have an iPhone, he needs a pen. Hey Joe, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF THAT'S NOT YOUR 'REAL' NUMBER, I'm not fucking calling. p.s. my names NOT BABY. p.s.s. take off those fuckin' Oakley's.
9. She's high and you can't sing along with her but fuck.unreal. and that bracelet. wish the skirt was longer.
HATE
1. all-in-ones FROM SHAPOO & CONDITIONER (didn't mean to caps but i;m not re-typing) to boots with fucking socks sewn at the top (i'll make that fucking choice thank you very match) to blouses/shirts with vests sewn on top (again I maika di choisa). invest in the separates you dumbasses...this is not an invention it is pure laziness and an insult on the person who packages the conditioner bottle. what's next? our fucking thongs sewing in our skirts that shouldn't be worn with underwear (sorry Silke) or black socks sewn into those disgusting Aldo dude shalien. indian like. pointy toed. curled back. can't walk normal dude shoes (p.s. if you are dating this guy. forget about love cause it's bullshit...he obviously doesn't love himself so how can he love you?)
2. hot gay men who are so hot that I become a gaylian.
3. one bad night of weather=friends and family coming to your fashion show…NOT Bonnie Brooks….whatNever.
4. The Room at The Bay on Queen street. If you haven't been there yet well then I'm not surprised because that means you live in Toronto and so you are boring. Don't be offended by this, just change. Forget holt's…the windows suck anyway. they should be spending the money on NEW, YOUNG, designers and cough cough CANADIAN. but NOOOooo we don't promote ourselves here in Chanaduhh remember (which leads to things such as hate #5). Also, at the Room you do not have to go through a sea of facelifts and anorexic saggy 50 year olds who are competing with their daughters and letting the fags who work at the counter tell them "hoe great" something is on them. also, you don't have to fart on a minishalien who opens the door for you and greets you based on your attire. i could go on but i won't. like the dicks who work there and look at you like your shit…HEY FUCKERS YOU WORK AT HOLT RENFREW YOU AIN'T THE FUCKIN' CUSTOMER (p.s. that don include yur 50% off). ok, done
5. a huge fucking Diesel store in Yorkville. If you are unable to find this 2 story, story, just folio your nose to Axe Body Fart and Dippidy Doo smells. Ahhh yes, see, you've found it! but to be safe read signs because you may simply be in the Ryerson cafeteriantexillio.
6.Sade's new shit. She's a baaaaabe dispite the obscene amounts of blow that have run up her nose. but that new song is bunkier than bunk. and then i made myself go through the video and was more barfedout when i had to see the jessica simpson circa http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7uxf8kBBlg dance (which by the way is the same fucking shit as Mariah Carey's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqBtS6BIP1E&feature=channel...p.s. those brothaz in the field were filmed doing ti-chi and she just fast forwardeded dd it for her vid). and that Tina Turner moment that should've been danced out by Aimee Tabolka. but the dances aren't even unified. they are not on time together for one moment. (this #6 is so long p.s. because of love #4, i am able to do many tings at once and am actually looking at all 3 of these vids at once). sorry that was is confusing
7.strep throat (2wice in 1 yr)
8.squirrels exposing their bare fucking legs in winter. enough already...it's fucking dumb. "butchya look kool!"- Brunswick House
9. squirrels giving ideal measurements when asked to model. i can fucking see you and you are NOT 5'9 cause i am and i can see the top of your fuckin head.
10. Drew Barrymore's face...what the fuck did she do to it? oh, i'll tell you EVERYTANK.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Things that are fucking annoying this goes for Squirrels and Toys.
-If you have a gilfriend or boyfriend and you are heavily flirting with someone and you never mention that you do have a ‘other’, then be prepared to face demonds buddy. It’s called facebook open pages, we see your girlfriend (and boyfriend)…it’s boring, trust.
-If you are still going back to you ex and fucking her (him) and acting single, calling yourself single, and saying the L word to the gf (bf)….it’s boring, trust.
-If you are still stuck in that, “we are not bf and gf” but you’ve known each other forever and you can’t really get with other people because of how you behave with one another and you both live in the same town and hang with the same crew…it’s boring, trust.
-If you’ve been wined and dined and popped and screwed and then screwed like T-Pain, I don’t know why he has disappeared (for now) but I do know that he is fucked which is absofuckinglutely annoying since the game is already so hawt-dang complicated…HEY GUYS TELL US WHY YOU DO THIS. So far, with my experience, it is because of extremely SMALL members that they can’t reveal of if they do…it’s over.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Squirrel Tip:
If you have to tap him on the shoulder and sex was the intended dish on the menu and he says he's 'tired' taka hint, he don wan fuck u boo. also, I'm getting lots of complaints about chicks not at least trimming. Common squirrels (and this goes for guys too) there is a difference between LOW and NO maintenance.
Also, if you have to ask to get eaten out...take a fuckin hint. if he says he doesn't want to right now, he never wants to cause he’s JUST not THAT into you. if he says "i don't like doing that" then honey get the fuck out of that bed cause the dudes GAY...they all love it (or at least get with the ones who do)
Toy Tip:
If you have to ask a girl "So, can I call you?" you just blew it. Even if she's not sure, you just proved that you have ZERO confidence. If she gave you her number then shut the fuck up and grow some balls and call without asking over and over when she just gave it to her. Also, if she picks up and wants to hang out, plan the fucking thing. Nothing is more annoying than
toy: So what do you want to do? It doesn't matter to me where we go, I'm easy
squirrel's brain thought: Fuck not another dude who has no actual interest in making plans.
Toys it's very simple, just pretend a little bit to indicate that you don't only want EF. Most things end so fast at least drag it on since we all have nothing else to do and it is all we are looking for. OH AND NEVER TEXT FIRST EEEEEEEEEEEVER. Also, calling in the day and not when you are wasted at night is best...shows you 'care'
Love:
1. 1. Movie: Clockers-Starring Mekhi Phifer and directed by Spike Jones. This movie is about hustling (hence the term ‘clockers’) in Brooklyn circa 1995. There are a handful of other great actors, Jones makes a cameo in his own film, throwback to overalls (Check out Mekhi in the opening scene) and makes you never want to hit crack. Don’t count on Blockbuster to have this classic either, hit up the independent guys. If you’re in Toronto hit up Queen Video…or who knows Universities and libraries great selections and they are FREE!!!
2. 2. Andrea Bocelli’s Romanza- sometimes it’s better when you don’t know what someone is saying.
3.33. Christina Aguilara’s Christmas version of This Christmas would normally go on the hate list but it is so funny that it makes the love list. There is not ONE line in this song where she doesn’t fuckin’ chill out and NOT “waaa-oooo-wwwaaa-oww-HHHaa”. I’m a Rhythm and Blues junky but this is simply out of hand. As much as it is hilarious if I was working in that grocery store and had to hear that song at least 3 times inna shift…I’m not even sure how to finish this one yet...people would die.
4. 4. Aimee Tabolka- “what kind of Patron do you want?”-each word perfectly articulated at LeVack Block (stop bye on Wednesdays to see the hot-tender in action).
5. 5. Best Toronto church decoration: St. Francis Hall at the corner of Grace and Mansfield.
6. 6. Best Toronto home decoration: 134 and 115 Grace street
7. 7. Miles Davis- Kind of Blue- if you still don’t own this…cop it right meow.
8. 8. Dudes who can pull off the ponytail/bun…yes, they do exist and you’ll know cause well…duuhhh you just WILL.
9. 9. Straight hair dressers
10.10. Noir Jewelry
11. 11. 40 year-old lawyers with lofts at the LES of Manhattan.
Hate:
1. 1. Pin striped suits…there are perhaps 2 people who can pull this off and one of them is a Jim Carey in The Mask the other is Jean-Paul Gaultier. Now we are told that vertical stripes will enhance one’s height but in the case of a pinned suit, it only makes that short man (woman) look dumb not tall.
2. 2. Guys who’ve missed 9 billion openings to ask you out to the point where one cannot even find the wick to light the rest of the flame. BORING
3. 3. Grown adults (men) who wear animal tukes.
4. 4. Gay dudes who look at you as though yur bout to take ther boifriend. Hunni, you cun havem’ his cack’s been in yur ass…BOOOOOOORING.
5. 5. weddings, weddings, weddings, WEEEEEDDDINGS!
6. 6. People wearing dinky-ass jackets in the fucking cold. E.g. those stupid FAKE leather bombers…get a fucking coat, “But ya look cool”.
7. 7. Samantha’s use of the word “CUNT” in season 6 Part 2 a French girl in Paris (part un)..gay.
8. 8. Sean Connery for Louis Vuitton
9. 9. Chris Brown’s new track transform-her…so so so bunk….and he’s dunskies (even though Rihanna is just as annoying) T.O. dj's STOP mixing this track in your mixes!
1010. Rihanna - Hard ft Young Jeezy…so now all these bitches have stylists (congratulations). It’s like ‘dj’s’ with serrato. BARING. Hey, Riri I dare you to STOP borrowing your Gareth Pugh and Alexandre Vaulthier (p.s. if you don't know bout Vaulthier check the dude out, plus he's canadian) and actually buy the fuckin digs. Also, black tape on black nipples…yur bad. (hiding black on black, that’s a real mystery boo (as in the gf boo and booing boo)
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